A Fake Smile
by Meowrzz
Summary: Bones knows all about Kirks various mental and physical scars, but Kirk realizes how little he knows of Bones' past. Mckirk ship.
1. Chapter 1

_A Fake Smile_

_Chapter 1: A memory reawakens _

Bones was always the stable one in their relationship; Kirk could always count on him to be there. Kirk was well aware he was able to cover up his emotions well, people could never deceiver his feelings and he refused to open up to anyone. But then there was Bones, who could easily make him crack and spill all his emotions. He thought that he knew all of Bones scars, mental and physical, as Bones knew his. After all Bones openly complained about his ex and daughter, and he felt he knew Bones better than anyone. But little did he know that Bones was even more protective about his secrets than he was.

It was early morning and Bones was sipping his coffee and going over the days work on his various PADDs. He had to administer some vaccines for some new alien virus and he had a few surgeries to attend to. "Bridge to Doctor McCoy" the communicator chirped. "McCoy here," "this is Chekov Zir, the Keptin is experiencing some zort of fit, he's on the floor, please hurry." "I'm on my way" Bones replied tersely. Bones snatched up his med bag and sprinted to the turbo lift knocking over several people in the process. What did that kid get into now? Bones wondered aloud to himself as he impatiently waited for the lift to arrive. As the lift arrived Bones immediately saw Kirk writhing on the floor, the rest of the crew frozen around him. "When did he go down Spock?" Bones inquired. "About 2.7 minuets ago" Spock replied smoothly. Just by inspection Bones was able to diagnose it, due to the swelling and the fact Kirk had just received a vaccine, Bones knew that he must be going into anaphylactic shock. "Dammit Jim, it was the vaccine, are you allergic to everything?" Bones spoke to no one in particular. He whipped out several hypos and began applying them to Kirks neck; after a while Kirk coughed and muttered, "Hey Bones." Bones carefully edged Kirk up into a sitting position, where he let out a shaky breath saying "close one Jim, I swear I need to follow you around after every vaccine." "Mmhmm, I'll be all right Bones just give me a minuet" Kirk replied. Suddenly a memory flashed painfully across Bones' mind, he remembered that day so clearly every time he just made it in the knick of time to save someone. Kirk looked questioningly at Bones who shot him a fake smile back. Bones helped Kirk up saying "Alright kid, you'll be fine, I'll give you a check up after your shift." "Sure thing Bonesy." Kirk replied.

Bones shot him another smile as he turned to walk back to the turbo lift, Kirk couldn't help notice as the smile immediately faded as he turned away. That's when Kirk wondered about what Bones' childhood had been like; he never spoke about it. He had always assumed that Bones never brought it up because he was being polite and didn't want to remind Kirk of any scarring childhood memories by mentioning his own. Kirk decided that maybe Bones just needed some cheering up, he would go down to sickbay after his shift and invite Bones back to his room where they would have their own little romantic dinner.

It was late evening when Kirk left the bridge as he headed down to sickbay to meet Bones for his exam. "There you are Jim, wondered if you were going to show up." Bones greeted him. "I always show up for you Bonsey" Kirk replied playfully. As Bones inquired about how Jim was feeling Kirk glanced over at Bones' bag and noticed several liquor bottles amongst the various papers and PADDs. He knew Bones had a bit of a drinking problem but he didn't think Bones would take it to work with him. "Hey, want to hang out tonight? You can come to my room and we can have a nice casual dinner." Kirk asked. "Sounds great Jim, but I umm have shift tonight." Bones replied evasively and smiled. Kirk could tell a fake smile when he saw one and that one was definitely forced. He also knew for a fact Bones didn't have duty tonight; he had checked his schedule before hand. Kirk thought that perhaps Bones just wanted to be alone, he wasn't going to bring it up now.


	2. Shore Leave

_Chapter 2: Shore leave_

The next morning Bones rose early, it had been a rough night. He felt bad for lying to the kid but he had to deal with some things on his own. He stretched and donned his uniform; today they were visiting a nice earth like planet. Some of the officers had shore leave and he and Kirk had arranged to meet and relax together on the planet. But knowing Jim he'd probably end up dragging him off on some adventure, he'd pretend to be annoyed but secretly he loved it. Bones felt bad about not visiting Kirk last night so he decided to join him for breakfast. Bones unlocked Kirk's door and pushed it open slowly and slipped inside, he didn't want to wake Kirk, and he wanted to be a surprise. Upon entering he saw Kirk snoozing blissfully on his bed. Bones padded over and lay quietly on the bed next to Kirk, Kirk looked adorable with tussled hair as he slept. Kirk seemed to sense that someone was there, he blinked sleepily up at Bones, and Bones couldn't help grin as he looked at those bright blue eyes. "Bones! You came" Kirk muttered thickly. "Of course I did kid," Bones replied.

Kirk was surprised that Bones had showed up that morning, he had seemed pretty disturbed last night. He noticed that these reclusive moods came to Bones occasionally, he felt obligated to help Bones through whatever was bothering him because Bones had done so much for him. He no longer woke up in cold sweats in the middle of the night now, recalling all the terrible things he'd been through. Bones had helped him through countless mental breakdowns despite his "Dammit Jims, I'm a doctor not a psychiatrist" rants. Several minuets later Bones and Kirk headed down to the transporter room "ready to go down to the planet Jim? You could use some shore leave." Bones grinned at Kirk, "So could you" Kirk replied. Bones felt those blue eyes search him, he squirmed slightly, it made him feel uncomfortable. As they reached the transporter room Scotty jumped up saying "where abouts would you like to go? There's a nice forest, the village is pretty entertaining, and there's a expansive beach." "Beach sounds nice about now eh Bones?" Kirk grinned and without waiting for Bones to reply he said "Energize" and they whirled down to the planet below.

As the dust cleared they found themselves upon a vast beach where waves lapped playfully upon the shore. Kirk's goal was to get Bones to open up, to do this he knew he would have to warm Bones up to it a bit first, they'd mess about for a while and then Kirk would bring it up. Kirk grinned at Bones and splashed into the waves, the cold water stung but soothed him. Bones looked gruffly at Kirk running about in the water like a kid, Kirk looked back at Bones saying "Come on in Bonesy! Water's great!" "Jim, I won't even quote the bacterial statistics of the water on this planet, just saying, I would take a shower after swimming in that." "Don't be such a downer, we'll take showers later if you insist." Kirk ran up to the beach and grabbed Bones' arm and began dragging him into the water with him as he sputtered about how they were "swimming in their freaking uniforms." Bones relaxed and allowed himself to float as Kirk splashed about in the water around him. An hour later they both flopped down on the beach giggling like children. They lay silently on the beach for a while before Kirk said "Hey Bones, were you alright yesterday? You seemed a bit preoccupied." "What? Ya, I was fine, just a bit busy." "No seriously Bones, I have your calendar, you didn't have a shift last night." "Something came up, things change you know," Bones replied snapping slightly. Kirk knew he could just give up now and let it slide, but this has been happening for way too long now, he needed to address this now. "Bones, please don't pretend I don't notice when you go off and seclude yourself, I know what fake smiles look like." "Kid, have you ever had a stressful day where you needed some downtime?" Bones replied, he was obviously uncomfortable, his face was slightly red. "Leo, really, I know what mental pain feels like, you've helped me through so much, please tell me what's going on," Kirk said seriously. Bones looked at Kirk's concerned face, his sandy hair and blues eyes were too much to resist, but he would hold his ground for as long as he could he didn't want anyone to know what he'd been through. Bones was there to support his captain and friend, he didn't want Kirk worrying and analyzing him. "Look Jim, lay off, it's nothing," Bones replied fiercely, he knew that Kirk was determined now though and was only a matter of time before he would have to give in. There was a momentary silence between the two as they listened to the waves lap gently up against the beach. "Bones, I'm worried about you, in this relationship your always the one picking me up, making sure I don't crumble, let me help you this time." Kirk whispered gently into Bones' ear. "Alright kid, because you're so persistent, but really, do you want to know?" Bones laughed shakily. "Of course Bones, I've experienced some pretty bad shit myself." Sighing Bones said "Well I suppose I'll start from the beginning."


	3. Bones Opens Up

_Chapter 3: Bones opens up_

Bones took a breath and began speaking "Growing up I had one sister and two brothers, big family. I was the youngest and always the disappointment. One night I had gotten into so much trouble in school my parents were fed up. They admitted I was a mistake, they only wanted three kids, and I was always a source of annoyance for them. That night they sent me upstairs to pack my bag, the next day they sent me off on a train to a boarding school in southern California, I was only seven at the time. I grew up at that boarding school, I have never seen my parents since that night- as a matter of fact that was the last time I ever saw them. I studied biology and medicine there; when I graduated as a senior I hoped to see my parents after all I was graduating with awards and excellent marks. But surprise they never came. So from then on I forgot about them, I was just that disappointing son who was nothing less than a memory now. I went to collage and was then accepted to med school; there I had a professor who encouraged me to go to Starfleet. He said I had all the quality's of a CMO, I was smart, quick on my feet, and had an attitude, he himself was a retired Starfleet CMO. During my time at school I met my would be wife, we were a cute couple at the time. One night at dusk my professor came running up to my dorm, he said there was a planet under attack and due to the large amount of casualties the needed extra medical help NOW. They had asked him to gather his best med students and send them quickly to come help to the best of their abilities. There was 20 of us in all that he had collected, we all sprinted to a waiting shuttle, excited for our first trip into space- we never could have imagined the scene waiting for us in a med bay thousands of miles away. We were all surprised that Starfleet had wanted some random med students not even enrolled in Starfleet, we obviously didn't grasp the gravity of the situation we were about to enter. From the shuttle we were herded into a large star ship, which warped us to the planet under attack, it was hard to think that we had only left an hour ago. A deadly Klingon attack had practically decimated a peaceful federation planet, we didn't have time to stand there gawping at the horrid scene of people and aliens littered all over the floor. Cadet's and CMO's yelled instructions at us as we hurried to aid in patching up humans, I even treated several aliens which were thrust at me- I had no idea what to do I just attempted to stem the bleeding. But one person was given to me who was different from all the rest. He was happy to have gotten a med student rather than a cadet or CMO; he was bloody and broken badly. "He requested specifically for your treatment," a young medical cadet said, looking strangely at me. I talked to him as I worked, but he was slipping, barely holding on. "Are you McCoy?" He whispered. Yes sir, I replied. "I recognized you right away kid, you look just like your father. I grew up with him; he's my best friend. I bet he's proud of you, what a son to have. Please though, I know what my chances are, it's unlikely I'll make it, just please give my regards to your father. I- I just want him to know I really cared about him…." He sputtered. As he finished saying this I didn't have a moment to reply or say anything, Oh Jim, I couldn't save him. I called for help. A CMO came running but he was too far-gone. I couldn't help feeling responsible, if only I had more experience. The rest of the time was like a blur, I clumsily bandaged up victims. I wondered who that man was, a connection to my family and I had failed them again, letting him die.

We arrived back at school the following day, all 20 of us completely shocked by what we had seen. Many people said that day changed us, especially me. I attempted to contact my parents but to no avail, they had moved and there were no records of them anywhere. Jim, I never found them, I could never tell my father that his best friend wanted to know that he loved him as he died. I went on to get married, had a daughter- Jo. But after that day I was never the same, developed a drinking problem, I had this lingering guilt inside me. My relationship decayed, she divorced me and took the whole damn planet, and I could never see my daughter again. After that I enrolled in Starfleet, met you, the rest is history. I've tried to figure out who that man was that entrusted me to carry out his final wish but with no luck, the universe is huge. Years pass, but I never forget Jim, it may seem trivial, and you've experienced much worse, but that man's face still haunts me. Two months ago I received a letter from Starfleet saying they located my father. Or rather his grave. I never knew him, I never told him his dying friends wish. It continues to haunt me. My whole life fell apart the day that dying man gave me his last words." Bones finished speaking shakily. A tear slid down his course face. Kirk remained silent; he wiped the tear off with his finger and whispered, "I'm here Bones" gently into his ear.

They sat in silence together on the beach for a while watching the four suns of that planet set. As a hazy moon replaced the suns Kirk spoke "If you ever need to get something off you chest like that, I'm here. You've helped me through a lot, the relationship goes two ways Leo, and I will listen to you too. Your troubles are not trivial don't be silent about them." "Thanks Jim." "Why don't we grab some dinner and you and I can go to my quarters and we can snuggle," Jim said smiling meekly. "Dammit Jim, I'm a doctor not a snuggle partner," Bones replied a smile creeping up his cheeks. Kirk grinned back picking up his communicator saying "Two to beam up Scotty." "Aye Aye, sir!"

-_The End-_


End file.
